


sensory hell

by Michaelangelo



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Canon? I dont know her, Dissociation, Sensory Overload, Sickfic, but with clear comfort themes, i was going through it so now seven has to go through it too, its mental illness, kinda??, riip but shes my projection character haha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27889855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michaelangelo/pseuds/Michaelangelo
Summary: seven of nine basically gets sensory overload while on shore leave, and goes to find janeway for help
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway & Seven of Nine
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	sensory hell

Seven stumbled out of the crowd, backing away and slipping out of the boundaries of the small town. The high concrete walls that surrounded the area did little to dull the tirade of noise. 

She slammed her hand against her combadge, far harder then she should have, before ordering a beam out, barely able to force the words out of her body. She couldn't bear the additional sound of her own voice, or the sound of the transport, but she needed to get out, before she lost the ability to speak all together. 

The blinding colours of the planet faded out, and were replaced by the painfully bright lights of the teleport room. She looked up, nodding once in acknowledgement of the crewmen before slipping quickly out of the room. 

She wanted to go to the cargo bay, but the lights were too bright, and the borg-children would be there, and probably Naomi too. She needed somewhere quiet, somewhere dark. Her mind felt like it was shutting down, like one by one her senses were simply turning off. Seven’s hands were numb and foreign, barely feeling as if they were hers to move while she summoned the turbolift.

It wasn’t until she had stepped in that she remembered she would have to speak to get it to move; they hadn’t activated the necessary aids that would allow for non-verbal crewmembers. She left in a hurry, heading back where she came from. 

She tried again to greet the crewman, and failed, nodding to them again instead but at least looking up long enough to see their face. Without saying a word to them, she initiated a site-to-site transport, and was gone in a moment, hardly sure of where she was heading. 

It needed to be someplace safe, isolated, quiet, dark. She needed to get there. She needed to find Janeway, something was wrong with her. Her thoughts were coming in slowly, after her body had already acted on them, as if the thoughts were coming in from far away, as if they were being told to her by someone else. Not like the hivemind of the collective though, but as if she herself was the other voices. She wasn't within herself, but was in fact all around herself. Her legs buckled once as she walked, and she kicked off her heels, not even realising she had done it as she abandoned them in the hallway. The floor was hard and cold under her feet, and she pressed hard into it with each step, feeling the subtle texture like the only thing she had felt before in her life. 

She stopped for a minute, as a wave of confusion hit her, emptied her. She closed her eyes hard, shutting out the light of the corridor, the soft electrical hum filling the air seemed to almost scream at her, the ground begged her to touch it, her biosuit wrapped too tightly around her. Without thinking, she flexed her arms, bending them backwards and ripping the elbows and shoulders of her clothes, before she pulled her legs up, hard and fast, tearing open the knees. She took a deep breath and started walking again, her eyes opening slowly as she could take more input in. Her hand slid up over her shoulder and down her back, unzipping her biosuit about halfway, and freeing herself just a little more.

Someone walked past her, she heard them mostly, barely catching the blur of a black uniform with its command red strip. They said something, she replied something, and then walked off. She couldn't tell what conversation had passed, but she felt worse. She could no longer hear words, could hardly keep herself upright. The wall was the only thing keeping her on her feet as she struggled along the hallway. The turbolift opened and closed somewhere far behind her and the noise felt like knives cutting through her.

A door appeared in her line of sight, the only door she had managed to actually see, and she walked in, not bothering to knock, instead inputting the security code that she knew on muscle memory alone. She closed the door behind her, words were being said as she manually turned the light off, throwing her and whoever else was there into darkness, save for the light from the stars and the soft glow of the replicator. Seven dropped heavily to her knees, feeling them bruise but from somewhere far away.

“Kathryn.” She forced out as she pressed her palms hard into the ground, unable to even identify the texture as her hands finally lost feeling. She wanted to say more, tried to say anything, but no other word would dare cross her lips, she couldn't even remember how to form them. All she knew was that everything was still too much, the buzz of electronics rattled inside her skull and her hands moved up to cover her ears, dulling the sound just enough for her to think.

She tried her best to figure out what was happening. She had been on shore leave when it had happened, walking around with someone, possibly Tom, maybe Naomi, she couldn’t be sure. There had been people, and the lilac skies, and the music, and smells, so many smells, and then suddenly everything had begun to stop. Confusion, disorientation, and fear had all set in, one after the other or maybe all at the same time. There was a hand on her cheek, guiding her face up. Janeway was on the ground in front of her. She wanted to be sick. 

Seven closed her eyes, but kept her face turned up to Kathryn’s, letting the older woman hold it there, her hand on the borg's cheek serving as the only thread left that held her together. She was safe with Janeway. The captain would make it okay, she always did, and at the moment, that's all she was certain of.

The captain was speaking, slowly, softly, in a voice Seven could barely hear. She wanted to hear it, wanted to listen to the low husk of Kathryn’s voice. Her hands moved away from her ears slowly, and trailed down the other woman's arm, both of them grabbing firmly around the bottom of her forearms. 

“Seven, you’re okay.” Janeway whispered, lowering her voice even more, hoping that she wasn’t grating on Seven too heavily. “Just follow the sound of my voice, okay? You're here, with me, in my quarters. I’ve contacted the Doctor,” Sevens hands tensed fearfully around Janeway's arm, her breathing becoming faster as she began to spiral, her mind flooded with escape routes before Janeway was able to continue, “and he told me the best thing for you, is to stay here, just the two of us.” Her grasp softened, but the toll the panic had taken was already setting back in. 

She rolled forward, laying her head in Janeway’s lap, eyes still closed as she did. 

“Do you want me to keep talking?”

Seven raised her hand, balling it into a fist and gently shook it up and down, signing the word she couldn't say.

“Is that a yes?”

She did it again.

“Okay, I’ll keep going. Not many people know this, but there's an outdated feature on the PADD’s that allows you to send messages to people, I’ve been speaking to the doctor, who’s in sickbay with Tom. Tom says you saw him in the hallway.”

Seven tilted her head, as if to look up in interest, but kept her eyes closed. Janeway thought for a minute that in the dim light, she appeared almost peaceful, despite how visibly shallow and fast her breathing was.

“He says you told him you had to go to astrometrics, and scan a nearby galaxy for resources, saying that someone on the planet had told you about them. He said that you were acting as if everything was perfectly normal, but your biosuit was torn and you looked frazzled.” Seven’s hand moved slowly to find the rugged tear lines on her shoulder, as if consolidating that.

“The doctor says you’re probably suffering from some sort of panic, or sensory, response. He can’t figure out too much without talking to you, but your lifesigns from before now have been registering various levels of panic, and your sensory input has been dangerously high.”

Seven signed the word yes again, hoping she was able to convey to Janeway that she was in the throes of possibly both those issues but at least one, hoping that her single ‘yes’ would be enough for the older woman to understand.

“Does me touching you help?” Janeway asked, realising just how little she knew, besides the incredibly small crash course the doctor had just given her. It was clear Seven wanted dark, and relative quiet, with little more than Kathryn’s whispers to fill the room, but her signals felt mixed in regards to things touching her. Her shoes were missing, and her suit was shredded, so something was wrong there, but she had reached out physically for Janeway.

‘Yes.’ Seven replied, taking Kathryn’s hand and guiding it to her thick blond hair.

“Do you want me to take this down for you?”

‘Yes, please.’ Seven replied, adding the second sign and trusting Janeway to figure out what it meant.

“I never knew you could sign.” Janeway resumed speaking softly, as her second hand came up to Seven’s hair, and slowly began hunting down the hidden pins. “I suppose I shouldn't be surprised really, you're a bright young woman, with knowledge far beyond your years. Of course you would know it, it’s not like the borg would be unfamiliar with it. I suppose it's just not something I’d ever really thought about. Maybe I should learn it. Do you think you’d have the time to teach me?” She softly prompted.

“I could find some.” Seven mumbled, as Janeway finally freed her hair, and she felt it come to rest loosely around her shoulders.

“That would be nice.” Kathryn replied, her hand burying itself in Seven’s hair and carding through the soft curls. “You're a good teacher.”

“I learnt that from you.” She said, finally opening her eyes, but keeping her gaze low to the ground.

“Well I’m glad that if I taught you anything, it was that. Kindness, compassion, forgiveness, all come from understanding. If you can teach people, then you have the power to make the world just a little bit softer.” 

Seven let that sentiment settle within herself, she supposed it could be true, or at least it was true for Janeway. Looking back, it seemed as though most of her problems were solved through teaching and learning. Her diplomacy often hinged on the trade of information, both educational, technological and social. She was an explorer, a scientist, a teacher; they weren’t just facets of her identity, but where the bedrock upon which her identity was founded.

“Are you feeling a little better?” Janeway asked after a brief silence, watching the way Seven’s eyes slowly rose to look tentatively around, the way her hands flexed softly as if she was waking up from a bad dream. 

“Yes.” She replied harshly, suddenly realising what had been going on, her sense finally clear enough for her to understand. Seven stood up quickly, pulling away from the Captain. She was by no means recovered, but guilt and shame were creeping in quickly, seeping into the small parts of her mind that were working. What was she doing? She shouldn't be there, and then fear. Would the Captain think she was defective? Would she be disappointed in Seven’s weakness?

“Thank you for your patience Captain.” She said, her formal posture clicking into place like a mask as she collapsed behind it, her mind falling apart again, thought being taken over by dreamlike understandings. She needed to get out of there, convince the Captain she was fine, then disappear. “I am well now, I believe I was experiencing a small bout of sickness, brought on by the sudden atmospheric changes of the planet.” She lied, with such conviction that Kathryn was almost convinced, she even went so far as to play along despite her confusion.

“I must go now Captain, it’s late, and you need your rest.” She excused herself from the room quickly, not waiting for Kathryn’s reply, and by the time the older woman made it to the door to see her out, Seven had already vanished from sight.

“Doctor, Seven’s gone.” Janeway spoke into the dark and now empty room.

“Gone, where?”

“I’m not sure, she just left. Can you get a lock on her, and bring her to sickbay? I don’t think she’s okay. Also make sure you dim the lights, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” She didn't wait for a reply before she closed the channel.

**Author's Note:**

> this is based on my personal experiences, im not taggin any sort of specific disorder or anything because i dont have any and dont want to muddy the waters for people looking for dignosis based on relatable experiences,, please be nice and please be chill,, if i fall off the deep end again any time soon i might make a part two but for now this is a finished work


End file.
